Why Does it Have to Hurt So Much?

This was sent to me a few months after the loss of my last baby. It was especially meaningful to me because it came from a stranger (her church is part of our support team) and because I had been having thoughts like this (about how I could seem like everyone else most of the time and in a second be grieving again) for the first time that week and had been wondering about if I would ever be “normal” again. It was a powerful moment for me to be reminded of God’s immediacy in my life and his caring for me through other believers. Even in loss, I feel truly blessed. Liesl


Why does it have to hurt so much?

You go about your business every day, doing what you normally do, and smiling at people around you. Then when you least expect it, the sadness is back.

You look at a stranger, or overhear a conversation, or remember a time, and suddenly the tears come again. And you wonder if this will ever stop.

You listen to people chatting and whining about petty things. You’re tempted to blurt out, “Don’t you realize what’s really important?” But you say nothing.

You hear people complain about their kids. You want to say, “Don’t you realize how lucky you are?” But you keep quiet.

Someone remarks, “At least you have another child to enjoy.” Your head knows that. But your heart feels an emptiness for the dream that was lost and the unique person you will never have a chance to know.

It seems everywhere you go, there’s another happy young couple or an expectant mother, and you wonder again why life is so unfair.

People ask, “How are you doing?” You’re tempted to tell the truth … but you don’t want to make them uncomfortable or force them to deal with sad things today. So you say, “I’m fine.”

Does anyone really understand?

God does. He knows exactly what you are feeling. And He’s always ready to listen and help you through it, whatever “it” is.

Some people do understand. They know how it feels when a part of you is gone. Even after months and months have passed, and you still would like to talk about it, remember these people. They really want to be there for you, and they will listen.

You never forget. But you realize that’s OK, because why would you want to forget the love you felt for a precious part of you?

A time comes when you realize the good days outnumber the bad, when the tears don’t come as often, when you can smile and really be smiling on the inside, too. But now, that time seems far off.

Why does it have to hurt so much?

1 thought on “Why Does it Have to Hurt So Much?

  1. Susie

    Hi, came across your blog from the staff women website. I appreciate your thoughts on the loss of a baby. I lost my 2nd while serving in India, and am now preparing for the joy of my 3rd while still dealing with all the complicated emotions of grief. Thank you for sharing.

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